The Road to Home Education

We started Home Educating back in 2001, and this is an old article I wrote at about that time trying to give the reasons why I felt I should be home educating. However, it should be kept in mind that this article came about after a year of knowing Home Education was a legal option, a year of knowing eldest son was deeply unhappy in school and also, a year of knowng that, at that time, hubby was offering us only one academic year - 'to see how it goes'! He was very dubious about the idea of withdrawing our child from school!

But Alhumdulilla, (thanks to Allah), we're still home edding!!

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Where to begin? Picture in your mind the conversations between small boy and his mother:

5 year old boy: Mummy, I don't want to got to school
Mother: Why not sweetheart?
5 year old boy: I don't want to go mummy, I don't like it.
Mother: But you DO like it! you like your lovely teacher? Yes? and Philip and Ashley, and Sabih to play with? don't you?
5 year old boy: yeeees, ( SLOWLY!!) I suppose so.
Mother: And your teacher says you are doing so well!
5 year old boy: Yes mummy.

months later:
5 year old boy: I don't want to go to school Mummy
Mother: Why not sweetheart?
5 year old boy: I don't like it
Mother: What don't you like?
5 year old boy: I don't like it. Can I stay home with you?
Mother: I won't be at home habibi, mummy's going to work.
5 year old boy: Do you have to work mummy?
Mother: yes sweetheart, daddy can't pay all the bills alone.
5 year old boy: Tracey stays at home, why doesn't she work?
Mother: She does work!! I pay her to look after you! Until I can come home
5 year old boy: Well if you didn't pay her you'd have more money and you could stay
home.

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Where next?
I agreed to write an article to try and explain how I came to the decision of home educating, 'trying' being the operative word!! However, once I starting writing this article I realised that there were just too too many reasons and issues in that decision for me to simply putdown that it was a , b, and c, that's it, I went down the Home Education road. For my decision to make sense to me I had to backtrack to find what it was about the education I had received that I objected to, the followingis the result of that process.

Each one of us is, to some extent, a product of our past experiences, some then decide not to continue with a certain course but choose anotherpath, a path that may suit them better and hopefully be more fulfilling from many different angles. Personally, I am definitely a 'successful' product of the state: I went to school, got my 'O' levels C.S.E's I went to college and got my ' A' levels, I went to university and got my degree, B.Sc. joint honours in Mathematics and Education, and I got my Cert. Edu. then what ? I went to work as a teacher , full of committment and the joy of learning/teaching.

Now, this list of 'success' is not being thrown away, it is not being dismissed as worthless or worse, alhumdulilla for all that we are given from Allah. But it is being placed on the back seat as it should have been PART of my life as a muslimah, and there are obviously different issues in between eg. mixing/staying from home etc. but even given the ideal Islamic conditions, even then, this list should have only been PART of my person, of who I am. Somewhere in that list I lost out. What did I lose? ''I went to school, got my 'O' levels and C.S.E's'' I lost out on an Islamic environment, I lost out on being accepted for who I really was, a muslim girl looking forward to being a muslim, nothing more! I lost out every time there were anti-Islam and anti-brown/black comments and actions, I lost out every time my teachers looked at me pityingly with the thought, that was sometimes voiced ''poor girl, so bright, but will she ever make it?'' . I lost out every time a hijabed muslim girl was labelled as 'oppressed' or worse, labelled as illiterate or incapable of learning or worse.

My first day at secondary school will always remain with me. I had worn the uniform but not a knee length skirt, a pair of trousers instead. The deputy head took me for a walk round the school while she suggested I bring a skirt with me to school in my bag, change once in school and only put the trousers back on when it was home time. She also stressed there would be no need for my parents to know! 5 years later, as my O levels approached, the new headmaster called me into his offfice to say that as I was not willing to join the school community in dress, then perhaphs I shouldn't bother returning for the 6th form, as once I turned 16 he was under no legal obligation to keep me on. As an adult I have been taught the same lesson, so long as you agree with the school community then you may be a part of it. If you have your own views or choose to differ then you are not welcome.

My eldest son had singing on his timetable, which I didn't pay too much attention to, (duh!!). It turned out to be hymn singing. Assembly turned out to be prayer to a specific faith and specific idea of God. I withdrew him from both to receive from the head an astonished ''I have been Head here for 20 years and had Moslems go through before, no one has ever asked for anything before!''). ( to be fair he did come round to the idea of a free room for lunch time salah, no communal showers after swimming, swimming dress will cover navel to knee but by then I felt like I had at 16 standing in the heads office, not 'fitting in'!)

''I went to college and got my ' A' levels'': again I lost out on the Islamic lifestyle, the Islamic society and the Juma get together, helped for a while. but by now I had learned success was exams, success was heading off to university, success was career. What I should have been learning was Islamic position of women and motherhood. What I should have been learning was to fight for my rights. My view of Islam was the mad muslims who were fundamentalists and extremisists and the 'normal' muslims like us who prayed salah and read Quran, went to haj if they could, and apart from that generally fitted into a modern lifestyle. I lost out on the bigger picture, the UMMAH and my responsibility to it. I lost out for my future children, who would be nannied and bottlefed and carted around to carers whilst mummy pursued this wonderful career, where she had 'real' resposibility and 'real' reward of money.

''I went to university and got my degree'' Ironically it was at university that i first learned more about Islam! Alhumdullila it was here that my belief and faith strengthened and ' trust in Allah' and 'ask for help from Allah' were daily thoughts and emotions. Unfortunately, the lack of self esteem regarding women's position in Islam and motherhood in Islam did not shift till much later, I never learnt the true facts till much later through reading and research, of what Islam actually says regarding them, and what Islam also requires from mothers. For various reasons uni. was a difficult stressful time, often alone, mostly ostracized, but Islamically it was salvation! it turned my mind to Allah SWT, and a desperate desire to visit Makka and Medina.

Family life is of the utmost importance, Islam places a very heavy emphasis on it for that reason. A friend of mine uses the motto 'children learn what they live' from the poem by D L Nolte, Society of Childhood Education. Many children today who are 'state' children and I know from my own 'state' childhood we learn very little about the Deen, we are constantly bombarded with the rotten eggs of the muslim world whilst at the same time being told how wonderful the 'civilised' world is and how much they have achieved because of their civilisation. There are some wondeful articles about which show how childrens minds are bullied into viewing Islam in the worst possible light and the rest in the best possible light!!

Following university I went to teach in Jeddah, staying for 3 years. Part of my flight to Jeddah was that what I had learnt I could NOT live by, and flight was needed! Here I came thinking I would find the best possible of all the world!! What did i find? Some good, some compassion, some love but also racism from muslim to muslim, importance of skin colour, one above the other, cultural baggage left, right, and centre!Not that different from anywhere else!
Back to where we grew up and back to the life of a modern muslimah. Riba? What's that? Haraam? Why? Social system in Islam? Economic system in Islam?Who? What? When? Where?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A VERY SLOW AWAKENING!!! alhumdulilla!! Life is not about getting knowledge of this world, knowledge by subject, Islam is not madressa hour on Friday afternoon, Islam is not learn the Quran and Salah and you are free! Islam is not live now, just one chance! Not material success and not academic success. Islam is so much more! Islam is a lifestyle, day in, day out, breathe in, breathe out, inshaAllah. That is the reason for Home Educaitng!Wanting my children NOT to go down the one route I went, wanting better for them in knowledge of Deen, better for them in self concepts,better for them in understanding of today's world and wanting better for then in dealing with today's world....... Wanting for them to learn their COMPLETE Deen, and wanting for them to be Complete individuals! Home education can help us make Islam a daily, hourly thing and that's why, the basic reason, why I want to home educate!

May Allah SWT guide all believers to the siratum mustakeen, ameen.

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Where are we now?

Currently Home Ed. seems to have come to an end for eldest as he was accepted at College to follow a Graphics Design course this September,though in reality HE continues! eg. he still joined 11 year old for a visit to a Drawing workshop and did in fact use it as part of his next project at College.

Younger children have never been to school - they are currently 11 and 9, (well to be accurate 9 year old did try school - he chose to come out again after 5 days!) and we follow a mix and match effort with them too - some bits are their choices, some bits stem off suggestions from me or someone we know, and basics on the Religion front are guided by me though they can negotiate when, where and how. It's a mix, and sometimes it's a mess, but it works!

Final comment for Home Education? TRY IT!

http://www.islamichomeeducation.co.uk/

http://welovehomeed2.blogspot.com/ http://groups.yahoo.com/group/homeeducatorsandukmuslims/

Home-educating a free-range, mixed-age brood

The ages of my children, in descending order, are 19, 18, 16, 6, and nearly 2. I home educate them all using the autonomous method, also known as unschooling. This article is about how that works.

So, obviously, I can’t spend all my time helping just one child to learn, or even all my time helping all my children to learn. I forgot to add that I’m a single mother, so there’s the house to run, meals to prepare, shopping to get and so on and I’m a writer too. We don’t all sit around the kitchen table pouring over or ploughing through coursework.

Is coursework the best kind of learning, anyway? This is the moot point. If you want to build a portfolio of educational certificates in order to help you find a job, then some coursework is necessary for that. But for actual learning – well, how do we really learn? How does that function work?

It usually starts with curiosity. Very young children are naturally extremely curious people. If allowed, they like to crawl or toddle around exploring, touching, tasting, listening and experimenting with their environment. If you watch a toddling child, you can actually see it carrying out experiments all the time: trying different things, seeing what the results are. Testing their ideas and learning from the results.

Most schools thwart this vital learning process by seeking to take control and direct it. The child stops experimenting, stops questioning. The best kind of educational provision allows exploration and encourage experimentation. Who are we to say what a child should learn? Curiosity is a fragile thing – if you override it, it switches off. Sometimes, permanently.

The best learning happens when we question things, when we burn to find answers and when we’re free to do both.

Let’s go back to the thing about portfolios and jobs. Is having a job the best way of earning money? For some people it might be, but for many it’s a soul-destroying way of life. Working for someone else, day in, day out, hoping for a promotion, seeing the bosses take all the profit. I know a lot of people who feel they could do a better job of running their company than the people in charge, but they daren’t branch out on their own because they’ve got a mortgage or rent and rent and debts to pay.

But imagine if, instead of school, you’d had a childhood full of natural learning in which you were free to find out what you were really good at and stick at it obsessively (we are naturally obsessive creatures) until you became an artisan. Imagine you never got used to a daily schedule, with measured portions of work but instead you liked to work non-stop on projects until you finished them and that you really enjoyed that work and could be well paid for it.

Imagine you had the confidence to intrinsically know when you were really good at something by virtue of the thousands of hours you’d been free to invest in it and from the peer group feedback you’d been free to elicit for yourself, when you felt ready to do so.

Then you wouldn’t need to go to an employer for a job to be able to pay your bills. You wouldn’t need your portfolio of certificates and you wouldn’t need to spend most of your time, until adulthood, in educational institutions learning what someone else decided you should learn, in the way they decided you should learn it. You would start your working life in credit, not in debt and you would fill your portfolio with examples of your success.

That’s not the outcome for all unschooled children, but it’s a likely alternative to the mainstream and of course, they’re not precluded from doing coursework or taking exams if that’s what they want to do.

My older three children haven’t pursued qualifications up to press. My older son (19) is gearing up to set up his own business, doing what he’s been so good at for so long: building, maintaining and repairing IT systems. His 18 year old brother is as yet undecided whether to join him in this, or to develop his work in translation and interpreting – languages being his thing.

They choose to spend most of their time learning and developing their skills and ideas. I don’t have to stand over them. Indeed, they wouldn’t thank me for doing so. All three of the older children have always been very independent learners. Over the years, I’ve provided tutors, books, equipment, transport and (when possible) funds for what they’ve wanted to do and I still do that.

I also provide a sounding board for their theories and – not to be underestimated – I stand as a protector of their freedom and space to live their own lives. I provide stability: the deep roots of a solid foundation from which they can safely grow in whatever direction and shape is best for them.

I’m the person they’re trying to explain their theories to, while I’m stirring a pan or cleaning a floor. Sometimes you can’t understand something properly until you’ve explained it to someone else. I’m the person they’re often brainstorming with while they’re trying to work out how to do something, or what to do for the best – though they use their siblings and friends for that too. I’m the person who says: “Yes, you can do that. I don’t see why you shouldn’t. Let’s work out how you could do it,” or sometimes just: “Let me know if you need help,” is enough.

They come and find me when they need me and I’m usually available to them, because I think older children – young adults – still need that kind of parental relationship. Perhaps we all do.

Our six year-old is learning all the time, but so is the baby too. In a natural, healthy environment, that’s what people do. But with the six year-old, it’s very definite, deliberate learning on her part. She says: “I want to learn this,” and she learns it, often with my help. She wants to learn to read and is making good progress in that respect. The reason she wants to learn is not because anyone has persuaded her that it’s a useful skill, but because she sees the rest of us benefiting from it and she struggles with the activities of her choice (computer games, websites, comics, maps) without it.

Like her older siblings, she comes to find me if she needs help with something or wants to share something, both of which happen frequently. Whenever possible I stop what I was doing and go to accede to her request. She doesn’t always need my help: sometimes one of her siblings is a better person for the job, or sometimes she’d rather play or work something out by herself.

The baby is free to roam around the house and, in good weather, the garden. I make the environment safe for her and there are many books and toys around. She often brings a story for me to read to her and I make it a priority to stop what I’m doing and to sit down with her and the book. How else will she want to be literate, if she doesn’t learn about the treasure and pleasure to be found in a book?

They both have free access to art equipment too, and computers, games and puzzles. Lyddie asks questions all the time, and isn’t scared to stop me when I’ve answered too much, or to challenge my replies. Nor am I scared to say: “I don’t know. Let’s go and find out,” to anything. I’m only her mother, not an oracle. But I do see it as my parental duty to help her find the answers she needs.

And that’s how we live here. Our days are free-flowing, not usually pre-planned. Each one is different; each hour is different. We do what we want and also what we need to do, to enable us to live the way we want to live. Home education frees us from structure and schedule, and from other people’s ideas about the way we’re supposed to do things and in our situation, this has had some very happy and healthy results for all concerned.

By Gill Kilner

http://gillkilner.blogspot.com/